I've been having contradiction deep within my heart for the past few days. I hate to have hard feelings towards my mum when i choose to believe she really has me in her interest. Today, she pulled me to Sookee to get me something. While i was collecting my ring, she went around to find an affordable piece of jewellery for the tea ceremony. Initially she wanted to get diamond necklace but all beyond her budget. I can understand the amount of money involved. Then we were looking this pendant which is quite affordable. But her eyes went onto this very gorgeous bangle. After i tried on it, she was determined to get it. She said i don't have any bangle and she didn't want me to look 'empty' on my wedding day. You have no idea the intensity of guilt piling in me.
I said many thank you to her and told her she don't have to spend these money coz she's already gave me dowry. Her reply was triggering more guilt. "I only have one daughter, as long as you grow up and lead a stable life, i'm happy enough." =**( Then she go on saying she expected a loss from the wedding tables as she's only getting back the hongbaos from her side while my dad will get all from his side. My paternal relatives comes up to 70pax. And the 6 tables my parents paying, my mum will pay 1 table. I actually tot my dad will pay all. Sigh.... It's until today i managed to talk to her about the tables properly. Then she went on telling me how her frds no nd to give a cent for their daughter's wedding. I wasn't angry when she bring up the issue again. I just told her we are sorry that we are unable to provide her with what she want. Then she soften down n said she was just causally mentioning it and voiced out why she was so unhappy initially.
I realised if it's something involved me alone, she wouldn't hold back in giving what she can. But if it involved me and someone else, like Yida and his family, she would be more calculative in giving. That's her. She rather leave the good stuffs solely for me and not anyone else.
I'm stricken with guilt.
Labels: Me, Wedding prep
Twinkling@
4/11/2009 02:31:00 PM
