Today, i didn't attend work but tried to attend school. I didn't want to lack so much behind. So many hours of lectures and practical with an exam next thurday is not funny. I went there and came back after sitting on the seat for less than 15 mins, crying my way back home and burst into tears in my living room. Went into my room and continuing to cry till i almost hyperventilate. It was the saddest ever.

Unfortunately, the practicals require individual work which i obviously can't do it now. And practicals are continuation of the previous. Given my condition now, i cannot start doing anything new alone. I am afraid, inconfident. I left the lab before the lecturer came in, as soon as i knew i nd to start from scratch. And i hated myself for being so not brave for leaving. On the way home, my colleague cum classmate told me she spoke to the lecturer. She told him i was seriously ill and covered with mc till wednesday. BUt from what she understood, he still insisted on me starting from practical 1. It could probably mean i will be doing something else in every practical while others proceed. He said he can give me more time to finish the practicals. Where is the more time? I have an exam next thurs, his course work. I have 12 hrs of lectures way behind time and am still not well yet. Tears just rolled down uncontrollably, one after another.

I took the darkest route back home, hiding in shadows, hoping no one sees me.
I walked to the end of the void deck and took stairs up to avoid any possible stares.
I tried hiding my tears while crossing my hall to make my way into my room.
I failed badly when my uncle saw my face and asked what happen.
I burst.
I murmured.
"There is no way i can do it myself right now."

Went back into my room, shut the door and continued crying. Cry and cry. My brother came in and offered some options to my situation. He even offers to split the financial penalty of my course fee for this module if appeal failed. Yida only knew i went back from lab but not the lecturer part. The thing was made known to him after he called the house. I am touched by all these.

My brother offered to call the Sleep disorder clinic tomorrow and request for a supporting document from my doctor, specifying my condition during relapse. I am doubting if the nurse will put his call through and get in line with my neuro. I am crossing my fingers.

Life is tough on people who needed special help. People who alway have lead a happy, blissful life will never appreciate how well-equipped their lives are. Yes, i am not the worst but at least i knew what it is like to be helpless, how it is like to rely on doctor and people.

Twinkling@
6/25/2007 09:26:00 PM