I have to rant it off somewhere. I was at his place since 7pm and he came home at 1130pm. I just waited and waited. Being with his parents was not such a chore and fortunately, i have muffin with me. I spent most of the time playing catching with MuFFin till she got so addicted and whined when put back into the pen. The thought of going home dawned on me. Coz there was no point staying alone in 'not-my' house. He pleaded me not to go home in smses.
I am trying VERY HARD to be UNDERSTANDING girlfriend. That is, when he comes home, greet him with a smile, ask him how's work and bring him a cup of drink. Probably, accompany him to snack abit before sleeping. Sadly, i cannot bring myself with a smile. The emptiness in me just make him feel foreign to me. I avoided looking into his eyes during conversation. Just feel that playing with MuFFin is much better than facing him.
He told me this morning he wanted to whip up some conversation about his colleagues, work and boss yday night. And i sounded so tired that was why he never proceed. I did reply him with "hmm, arh, ya" even before he managed to start on the topic. I would be more than happy to talk to him but he has to learn to understand what i am feeling at the point of time than just purely think that i'm tired. It was 1230am when we hit the bed. The time he was with me when i'm conscious was 60 mins, minus the time he bathed.
Sad. Exchanging smses with him in the morning just didn't help. He wanted to come over tonight. I dismissed his idea. I don't want him to work till late at night and wake up darn early tomorrow to go for his camp racki. I rather not see him then feel the emptiness again.
Being understanding, i'm not supposed to feel any of such mentioned above. But how to? I'm just an ordinary girl with emotions. I just tried my best not to quarrel with him over it. ACtually, i rather ignore it and will get used eventually. His mum is sick, coughing extremely badly. I believe MuFFIn missed playing with him. I don't want him to have so many worries yet i cannot stop feeling all these.
How long do i need to get use to all these?
==> Oh he just msged me at 1015am, saying he will be working on sat and sun too.
Girls, teach me. I think i will update my blog everyday about how sad i am from now on.
Twinkling@
5/18/2007 09:46:00 AM
Silly girl, you are not going to be sad everyday. You are going to be happy ok. Give him sometime to adjust between work and personal life, he just started not long ago right. And also tell him what you want so he don't forget you need attention too. =)
*hugs*
Don't worry, it's normal to feel those things. Being understanding is to understand how hard things are for him, but it doesn't mean you have to force yourself to feel the way you don't actually feel, isn't it?
You are who you are and it's what makes you special. Even those horrible feelings of emptiness, they're you. Don't worry about it too much.
