Yes, my relapse is here. It all started on the day i felt sick, last monday. That monday i slept abit more than usual which i had taken notice. Usually i would try to ignore it, try to pretend it's my over-reacting. Went to work on Tuesday, the unusual alertness during my sleep is a sign too. I couldn't care much usually unless the phobic of sleeping is very strong. I have to keep deceiving myself, keep telling myself, "I'm sick, dun worry too much."

Reported at work ealier than usual and i had two bad news of the day. It probably aggravate my condition. Though my Da came to cheer me up, he did actually make me happy but my perpetual worry for my long time friend is never ceasing.

I can't remember what happen on Wednesday except that i went to sch. Do lab work. Went home on a bus 65 which was freezing cold. Upon reaching home, i hit my bed under the blanket and slept. Without changing, without doing anything. I told my mum to wake me up to remove my contacts. The next thing i knew, it was 9 am in the morning. I have to go get MC since i missed work. I'm indeed sick both ways. Flu and relapse. Till now, i have already missed 6 hours of lesson.

Friday unusually early. I dun remember how i manage to run my IHC but i sure did it. I met my DA after work thought that he could make me feel better. Yes he did, but the relapse thingy didn't go away. I gave up, i admit that it's e relapse. The unusual sleepiness, the unusal blurness, the unusual loss of focus and the unusual sadness. I slept the whole saturday away with him, hugging me so tightly. I felt so secured. I dun want him to see my weakness. I dun wan him to see my softness. Many times, i want to cry coz it's really torturing me inside. I hate it when the next time i open my eyes i found myself doze off again. I missed alot already. Work n studies. I can't afford to sleep anymore. BUt my body doesn't want to help me. Why am i always suffering the same thing? It's really hard.....

I need to be strong i know... i need......i want to cry... just cry.... ... tears on my pillow