As the date draws nearer, i feel like i am suffocating. I start to think of my heavyloaded timetable. Wat makes it worse is it doesn't have fixed days of the week and some days are consecutive. I can't help but to keep thinking. It's a huge adjustment to my life now. Jus imagine, i start work at 830am, knock off at 530pm (provided no late duties). Rush for dinner and to school at 7pm. Lesson will end at 10pm in Bukit Merah. Crossed my fingers, i hope that traffic will be smooth at that hour and may reached home at 11pm plus minus 15mins.

That's not the end of the day yet. I got a poor baby waiting whole day for me in e cage, couldn't bear to ignore him when i'm busy. By hook or crook, i will dig out at least an hour for him. K.. Let's say i bath once i reached home. That will take up 45mins, making it 12am. No choice but to play with him at this hour, change cage bedding if needed. WHat if i have assignments and reports to do? I'm sure with practicals, reports are inevitable. What about my exercising regime? I jogged at least once a week (already lessen coz my aunt kept saying i looked anorexic).... after my sch starts... those non study days would be doing homework, wouldn't it? I wouldn't have time for him n myself.

Not the end of my stress yet. Next year, my research company will resumed receiving specimen. Meaning late duties commence. In a month, each of the pathology team member has to do five duties to be fair. One week i will only have 2 'free' non studying days, i have to work late duties for 3 consecutive weeks to cover that 5 days, to be fair. In addition, i still have to do a weekend duty: saturday n sunday with monday n fri off. Due to saturday lessons, there is no way i could do a saturday weekend duty, so i have to do 2 sundays to cover.

And now, my level 2 exotic dancing course is terminating half way due to poor response!!!!??!! WTH. It's not my fault to have poor response. Why cancel it when we are half way thru? The choreography for that song is almost done!!! The school given us no choice but to choose another class starting on 11sep, a sunday, or 27sep, a tuesday. Obviously, i have to take sunday coz weekdays i have lesson! There goes the only day i could slack around before my company start piling workload.

Besides all those time management, i have to pay school fees of 500bucks installment a month. Regarding this money issue, i have blogged it sometime ago. No point crying over spilling milk coz i'm still e one resolving my own problem.

People may just tell me... dun think so much... be optimistic... just do your best.... But who knows how i really feel. I'm really apprehensive about e degree. I'm not that kind who will let myself off for just a pass. i want to get good results (who doesn't?). Then my perpetual lifetime obstacle may step in to further worsen my life if it comes during exam.

I need to learn to stop my brain from thinking. I'm having cold feet now. I need someone to encourage me when i'm giving up. I need someone to console me if i cry. I need someone to support n push me on when i'm in need. I need someone to run my errands when i really have no time.

Even after blogging my thoughts, my trepidation hasn't fall beyond that 'alert' mark on the scale. I am absofuckinglutely stressed!! Pardon me if i am ever cranky after 24 sep. I need courage now coz i choose the route..... Just feel that every cell in my body is shouting for HELP....

Twinkling@
9/09/2005 01:11:00 PM