What am i thinking? One part of me wanted to be with him. But the rational part of me has already given up. Why is he keep calling me? U know if it's that way, it's hard? Coz i can't resist picking up the calls. I admit i use alot of things to keep me occupied. The voice of him just cheered me up a little though i know more hurt will be followed. I am an example of "women are stupid!" Sigh... i keep feeling that it's hanging there....... strangling me... taking away my last breath.
I wonder if he felt a thing abt my cold treatment. But i guess life for him dun change or rather he doesn't care. As usual, happy go lucky. How i wish girls can be like guys in this way! I really want a closure if it's meant to end. Dun contact me for a period of time while i am healing.
Whenever he calls, for him, it's just like routine. Asking the same old questions over n over again. Standard protocol, one day two calls. It's e same like when he's in australia. In bible that i have learnt from my friend, there is only YES and NO. There is no in btw. But if you asked me if i wanna give up, i would say i dunno for the 'stupid part' of me. When will my heart give the same answer as my brain?
I wanna meet him and have a final talk. But i already pictured what will happen. It will goes something like that.
Me: " What do you really want out of the two of us?"
Him: " I dunno."
Me: " Come on! It's a clear cut thingy. Just say yes or no."
When i keep chasing him for answer, he will say this,
Him: "How's your day? What you had for lunch?"
Right, eluding is the best technique for guys like him. Justina say forget about the chase. I wish i could.... I am stupid i admit. It's been long since i blogged about him. I know what i am to him! I'm just someone he can use to relieve his boredom i guess. Thus, last on the list. I know! I really know......... He doesn't care abt my emotion....... He just act as nothing had happen the next day. He must be so gifted in doing that. LOL
God, give me strength.... I know you already hinted he's not the one for me. Help me then.......
Twinkling@
5/20/2005 04:25:00 PM
we are girls.. it's hard to just give it all up esp when u still have feelings for that person.. All scars needs time to heal. Believe that something better is waiting for u ahead. I believe in that too.. but like u.. I find it hard to let go.. But since he's not bothering anymore.. then I guess I should not care too.. If not, it will hurt more.
, at
12:23 AM