As i hear the song "Angel", tots run thru my mind. Am i going thru it again? It's different this time. At least i could do stuff, prob i take it lightly and that "Being Contented is Happy" bring me quite far. I just wanna be nonchalent, oblivion to wat's around me, be in my own world. Impossible~
I'm depressed deep down. But i dun show it coz i dun wanna ppl to know.

At around 11 something this morning, a flower cake attached with a HAPPY BIRTHDAY ballon is sent to my office. Needless to guess, it's R. It's the thoughts that count. Pretty n sweet indeed. It did has some anti depressant effect on me. Shortly after, a real cake came. French chocolate ganvanche from Getel. Nice... I didn't really got e sense to appreciate it but it's sweet.

Usual question, when will it end? I dunno. I only know how to hide it. Not to let ppl know. Act tough. Yes, acting tough is what i always been doing. Of coz there are times when i break down. I still chat with ppl... but do i have a choice. I wish i can be alone. Dun have to entertain anyone. But i can't. This is my life. I have to control it. U will nv understand what i am going thru. Really!! No one can. But just wanna say thank you to R coz i have nv smile that much when i go thru this thingy.

Why must it happen when my bdae is near e corner. Cousin asked me out on sat. I dun wanna disappoint him. I promise to turn up. I wanna be alone....... I feel like crying at times but does it help ? I dunno..... i am lost... helpless... i hate e feeling of waking up. prob i just love to elude......
I'm forcing myself to be happy...... TT's my life.... I just wana sleep

Twinkling@
3/18/2005 08:55:00 PM