I gave up. I didn't work today. I brought along the letter to my family doc. He took a glance n said, "Rare case! Did u sleep last night?". He doesn't know. I slept for 3 days long. wait up for only four hours on saturday. It's unbelievable I wake up for food, for twinkle and went back to sleep.
Sleep is something i have phobia with. The episodes of excessive sleepiness are inevitable. I can only blame my mum for not bringing me to doc during my one week coma. But wat done cannot be undone. With education from my neurologist, my mum got more understanding in my condition. She no longer like the past, force me to do this and that. In fact, she has become more accomadating. I'm glad.
I hate myself for not being strong enough. Was it becoz my own expectations were set too high up?
My birthday was spent sleeping, sleeping n sleeping. Loads of greetings, phonecalls surged in. But i only find it a chore to reply. Lost interest in everything coz my main objective of my life is sleep.
It's ironic isn't it? There are people on the other hand can't sleep no matter how hard they tried. But for me, trying to reject the hypersolemnence. There's always two extremes to balance the world. The evil n the good. The pessimistic and optimistic. For my case, i just happened to be at the rare extreme.
It's been six years. Six long years. From three months interval to 8 months interval. God has been fair to me. He has blessed me. I thanked him.
During the relapse, u could say i'm being smashed into thousand pieces scatter on my bed. Each small piece of me has no strength to wake up. As i sleep, thousand pieces became hundred pieces, hundred pieces become ten over pieces and finally left with two piece. I hate it when it's left with two piece. I tried putting them against each other so that they anneal. I tried using glue to piece them together. I tried using tears to soak them. I tried using anger. All i tried over and over again. They still fall apart. How to pull them together? That's my critical part.
Was it my will power? Was it God? Was it my deceased grandmother?
Being able to write this blog, i could have already pulled them together. I hope. It's passing stage of my life once again. No one can ever understand what i have been through or how does it feel like to be immobilised in bed for a few days. Knowing that you have work to do, errands to run , yet not being able to wake up n accomplished them. It's frustrating!!! I hope it's over.
Life still goes on.
Twinkling@
3/21/2005 07:25:00 PM
